Old Morgan And His Wife
Hus.--Jane, tell me have you fed the pigs,
Their cry is not so fine:
And if you have not, don't delay,
'Tis nearly half-past nine.
Wife.--There, now your noisy din begins,
Ding, ding, and endless ding,
I do believe your scolding voice
Me to the grave will bring.
H.--Were you to drop in there to-day,
This day would end my sorrow.
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W.--But I shall not to please you, Mog,
To-day, nor yet to-morrow.
H.--Oh! were you, Jane, to leave this world,
W.--And you to beg and borrow,
H.--Stop, Jane, talk not so silly, Jane,
W.--Not at your bidding, never;
I'd talk as long as I thought fit,
Were I to live for ever.
H.--Your voice if raised a little more,
Would rouse the very dead,
A pretty noise, because I ask'd
If you the pigs had fed.
W.--I'll raise my voice, Mog, louder still,
As sure as you were born,
Why should you ask "How many loaves
Came from the peck of corn?"
H.--Should not the master of the house
Know every undertaking?
W.--And wear his wife's own crinoline,
And try his hand at baking!
H.--The breeches you would like to wear!
W.--What vulgar jests you're making!
H.--Stop Jane, stop Jane, don't speak so loud,
Your noise will stun the cattle!
W.--The only noise that could do that
Is your continued rattle.
H.--As sounds a bee upon her back,
So does this wasp I've got,
And all because I ask'd if she
Had fed the pigs or not.
W.--Your peevish growling, Mog, is worse,
Yes, ten times worse and more,
Still asking, "How this churning gave
Less than the one before?"
H.--You know the butter pays our rent,
And many another matter.
W.--I know that if the cows are starved
They won't get any fatter!
H.--I give the cows enough to eat.
W.--Well do, and hold your clatter.
H.--Stop Jane, stop Jane, confound your noise,
'Twould shame a barrel organ.
W.--If I were half as loud as you,
I think it would, Old Morgan!
H.--Your temper, Jane, will drive me soon
To share a soldier's lot,
To march with gun and martial tune
'Midst powder, smoke, and shot.
W.--What! you a soldier? never, Mog!
Your heart is coward too,
You'll fight with no one but with me,
You've then enough to do!
H.--I'll go and fight the mighty Czar,
To aid the Turkish nation.
W.--Then go, a greater Turk than you
Breathes not within creation!
H.--For shame, to call your husband Turk.
W.--Such is my pledg'd relation.
H.--Stop Jane, stop Jane, let's now shake hands
And we'll be henceforth friends.
W.--No, not till you have stopp'd will I,
Be still, or make amends.