The Hole In A Beigel
:
TASHRAK
When I was a little Cheder-boy, my Rebbe, Bunem-Breine-Gite's, a learned
man, who was always tormenting me with Talmudical questions and with
riddles, once asked me, "What becomes of the hole in a Beigel, when one
has eaten the Beigel?"
This riddle, which seemed to me then very hard to solve, stuck in my
head, and I puzzled over it day and night. I often bought a Beigel, took
a bite out of it, and immedia
ely replaced the bitten-out piece with my
hand, so that the hole should not escape. But when I had eaten up the
Beigel, the hole had somehow always disappeared, which used to annoy me
very much. I went about preoccupied, thought it over at prayers and at
lessons, till the Rebbe noticed that something was wrong with me.
At home, too, they remarked that I had lost my appetite, that I ate
nothing but Beigel--Beigel for breakfast, Beigel for dinner, Beigel for
supper, Beigel all day long. They also observed that I ate it to the
accompaniment of strange gestures and contortions of both my mouth and
my hands.
One day I summoned all my courage, and asked the Rebbe, in the middle of
a lesson on the Pentateuch:
"Rebbe, when one has eaten a Beigel, what becomes of the hole?"
"Why, you little silly," answered the Rebbe, "what is a hole in a
Beigel? Just nothing at all! A bit of emptiness! It's nothing with the
Beigel and nothing without the Beigel!"
Many years have passed since then, and I have not yet been able to
satisfy myself as to what is the object of a hole in a Beigel. I have
considered whether one could not have Beigels without holes. One lives
and learns. And America has taught me this: One can have Beigels
without holes, for I saw them in a dairy-shop in East Broadway. I at
once recited the appropriate blessing, and then I asked the shopman
about these Beigels, and heard a most interesting history, which shows
how difficult it is to get people to accept anything new, and what
sacrifices it costs to introduce the smallest reform.
This is the story:
A baker in an Illinois city took it into his head to make straight
Beigels, in the shape of candles. But this reform cost him dear, because
the united owners of the bakeries in that city immediately made a set at
him and boycotted him.
They argued: "Our fathers' fathers baked Beigels with holes, the whole
world eats Beigels with holes, and here comes a bold coxcomb of a
fellow, upsets the order of the universe, and bakes Beigels without
holes! Have you ever heard of such impertinence? It's just revolution!
And if a person like this is allowed to go on, he will make an end of
everything: to-day it's Beigels without holes, to-morrow it will be
holes without Beigels! Such a thing has never been known before!"
And because of the hole in a Beigel, a storm broke out in that city that
grew presently into a civil war. The "bosses" fought on, and dragged the
bakers'-hands Union after them into the conflict. Now the Union
contained two parties, of which one declared that a hole and a Beigel
constituted together a private affair, like religion, and that everyone
had a right to bake Beigels as he thought best, and according to his
conscience. The other party maintained, that to sell Beigels without
holes was against the constitution, to which the first party replied
that the constitution should be altered, as being too ancient, and
contrary to the spirit of the times. At this the second party raised a
clamor, crying that the rules could not be altered, because they were
Toras-Lokshen and every letter, every stroke, every dot was a law in
itself! The city papers were obliged to publish daily accounts of the
meetings that were held to discuss the hole in a Beigel, and the papers
also took sides, and wrote fiery polemical articles on the subject. The
quarrel spread through the city, until all the inhabitants were divided
into two parties, the Beigel-with-a-hole party and the
Beigel-without-a-hole party. Children rose against their parents, wives
against their husbands, engaged couples severed their ties, families
were broken up, and still the battle raged--and all on account of the
hole in a Beigel!