Old Morgan And His Wife


Hus.--Jane, tell me have you fed the pigs,

Their cry is not so fine:

And if you have not, don't delay,

'Tis nearly half-past nine.



Wife.--There, now your noisy din begins,

Ding, ding, and endless ding,

I do believe your scolding voice

Me to the grave will bring.



H.--Were you to drop in there to-day,

This day would end my sorrow.



> W.--But I shall not to please you, Mog,

To-day, nor yet to-morrow.



H.--Oh! were you, Jane, to leave this world,



W.--And you to beg and borrow,



H.--Stop, Jane, talk not so silly, Jane,



W.--Not at your bidding, never;

I'd talk as long as I thought fit,

Were I to live for ever.



H.--Your voice if raised a little more,

Would rouse the very dead,

A pretty noise, because I ask'd

If you the pigs had fed.



W.--I'll raise my voice, Mog, louder still,

As sure as you were born,

Why should you ask "How many loaves

Came from the peck of corn?"



H.--Should not the master of the house

Know every undertaking?



W.--And wear his wife's own crinoline,

And try his hand at baking!



H.--The breeches you would like to wear!



W.--What vulgar jests you're making!



H.--Stop Jane, stop Jane, don't speak so loud,

Your noise will stun the cattle!



W.--The only noise that could do that

Is your continued rattle.



H.--As sounds a bee upon her back,

So does this wasp I've got,

And all because I ask'd if she

Had fed the pigs or not.



W.--Your peevish growling, Mog, is worse,

Yes, ten times worse and more,

Still asking, "How this churning gave

Less than the one before?"



H.--You know the butter pays our rent,

And many another matter.



W.--I know that if the cows are starved

They won't get any fatter!



H.--I give the cows enough to eat.



W.--Well do, and hold your clatter.



H.--Stop Jane, stop Jane, confound your noise,

'Twould shame a barrel organ.



W.--If I were half as loud as you,

I think it would, Old Morgan!



H.--Your temper, Jane, will drive me soon

To share a soldier's lot,

To march with gun and martial tune

'Midst powder, smoke, and shot.



W.--What! you a soldier? never, Mog!

Your heart is coward too,

You'll fight with no one but with me,

You've then enough to do!



H.--I'll go and fight the mighty Czar,

To aid the Turkish nation.



W.--Then go, a greater Turk than you

Breathes not within creation!



H.--For shame, to call your husband Turk.



W.--Such is my pledg'd relation.



H.--Stop Jane, stop Jane, let's now shake hands

And we'll be henceforth friends.



W.--No, not till you have stopp'd will I,

Be still, or make amends.



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