Home Collection of Stories Famous Stories Short Stories Wales Poetry Yiddish Tales


At Work
By Monseigneur De La Roche. _Of a squire who saw his mistr...

The Armed Cuckold
By Monseigneur _The fourth tale is of a Scotch archer who ...

The Lost Ass Found
By Michault De Changy. _Of a good man of Bourbonnais who w...

The Woman, The Priest, The Servant, And The
WOLF. By Monseigneur De Villiers. _Of a gentleman who cau...

The Metamorphosis
By The Editor. _Relates how a Spanish Bishop, not being ab...

A Sacrifice To The Devil
By Monseigneur _Of a jealous rogue, who after many offerin...

Necessity Is The Mother Of Invention
By Monseigneur De Commensuram. _Of a gentleman of Picardy ...

The Three Cordeliers
By Monsigneur De Beauvoir _Of three merchants of Savoy who...

I. The first time I ever met Ernest Carvalho was just be...

Two Lovers For One Lady
By Monseigneur De La Barde. _Of a squire who found the mul...

The Woman With Three Husbands
By Philippe De Laon. _Of a "fur hat" of Paris, who wished ...

Nailed! [85]
By Monseigneur De Santilly. _Of a goldsmith, married to a ...

The Muddled Marriages
By The Archivist Of Brussels. _Of two men and two women wh...

The Child With Two Fathers
By Caron. _Of a gentleman who seduced a young girl, and th...

Tit For Tat
By Anthoine De La Sale. _Of a father who tried to kill his...

The Child Of The Snow
By Philippe Vignier. _Of an English merchant whose wife ha...

Beyond The Mark
By Monseigneur De Lannoy. _Of a shepherd who made an agree...

The Backslider
There was much stir and commotion on the night of Thursday,...

The Women Who Paid Tithe
By Monseigneur De Villiers. _Of the Cordeliers of Osteller...

A Bargain In Horns
By Monseigneur De Fiennes. _Of a labourer who found a man ...

Bids And Biddings

By Monseigneur De Launoy.

_Of a number of boon companions making good cheer and drinking at
a tavern, and how one of them had a quarrel with his wife when he
returned home, as you will hear._

A number of good fellows had once assembled to make good cheer at the
tavern and drink as much as they could. And when they had eaten and
drunk to God's praise and _usque ad Hebreos_ (*), and had paid their
reckoning, some of them began to say, "How shall we be received by our
wives when we return home?" "God knows if we shall be excommunicated."
"They will pluck us by the beard." "By Our Lady!" said one, "I am afraid
to go home." "God help me! so am I," said another. "I shall be sure
to hear a sermon for Passion Sunday." "Would to God that my wife were
dumb--I should drink more boldly than I do now."

(*) A pun on the word _ebreos_ (drunken).

So spoke all of them with one exception, and that was a good fellow who

"How now, good sirs? You all seem every miserable, and each has a wife
who forbids him to go to the tavern, and is displeased if you drink.
Thank God my wife is not one of that sort, for if I drink ten--or even
a hundred-times a day that is not enough for her,--in short I never knew
an instance in which she did not wish I had drunk as much again. For,
when I come back from the tavern she always wishes that I had the rest
of the barrel in my belly, and the barrel along with it. Is not that a
sign that I do not drink enough to please her?"

When his companions heard this argument they began to laugh, and all
praised his wife, and then each one went his own way.

The good fellow we have mentioned, went home, where he found his wife
not over friendly, and ready to scold him; and as soon as she saw him
she began the usual lecture, and, as usual, she wished the rest of the
barrel in his belly.

"Thank you, my dear, you are always much kinder than all the other women
in the town for they all get wild if their husbands drink too much, but
you--may God repay you--always wish that I may have a good draught that
would last me all my days."

"I don't know that I wish that," she said, "but I pray to God that you
may drink such a lot some day that you may burst."

Whilst they were conversing thus affectionately, the soup-kettle on the
fire began to boil over, because the fire was too hot, and the good man,
who noticed that his wife did not take it off the fire, said;

"Don't you see, wife, that the pot is boiling over?"

She was still angry and indignant, and replied;

"Yes, master, I see it."

"Well then, take it off, confound you! Do as I bid you."

"I will," she replied, "I will bid twelve pence." (*)

(*) There is a pun in the French on the two meanings of the
verb _hausser_,--"to raise" and to "augment" or "run up."

"Oh, indeed, dame," said he, "is that your reply? Take off that pot, in
God's name!"

"Well!" she said. "I will put it at seven _sous_. Is that high enough?"

"Ha, ha!" he said. "By St. John that shall not pass without three blows
with a good stick."

He picked up a thick stick, and laid it with all his might across her
back, saying as he did so,

"The lot is knocked down to you."

She began to cry, and the neighbours all assembled and asked what was
the matter? The good man told them and they all laughed--except the
woman who had had the lot knocked down to her.


Next: The Unfortunate Lovers

Previous: A Good Dog

Add to Informational Site Network

Viewed 2395